Team Trial: Anti-Chuck Norris Team

 

Once there was a showdown. An ULTIMATE showdown. Of Ultimate Destiny. During the showdown, Chuck Norris descended from Heaven and went on a rampage, kicking people in the crotch and crushing peoples' heads. In order to stop him a brave coalition of heroes and villains formed, managing to kick Chuck Norris in his cowboy @ss.

In order to be able to hurt Mr. Carlos Ray Norris, it's possible that every member of the Anti-Chuck Norris Team would reach at least universal levels of power as, according to the Official Chuck Norris Facts Book, Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is estimated as the power level of the big bang, a force Chuck Norris would have to tank every time he kicks.

The whole team would have to be at least massively hypersonic as the team is described as having come out of nowhere "lightning-fast" with them possibly reaching infinite speeds as they would have had to reach fast enough to tag Norris, who is stated in the same book to be able to fast enough to punch himself in the back of the head. 

The team of course has their own unique powers

Gandalf the Grey is one of the Istari, wizards of Middle-Earth. The Istari are actually a race of primordial spirits who created physical bodies for themselves. They commune past the physical, ability to telepathically reach or influence the souls and minds of others with their presence and sense things far away or beyond the physical. Gandalf's powers as a wizard gives him many inherent powers including the ability to storm, light, lightning and fire, as well as manipulate energy, matter, or illusions. He can also speak to animals and had a limited psychic ability to see the past and future due to hazy memories originating from his time existing before entering spacetime. His power was great enough to battle the storm conjuring wizard Saruman and smote a mountain in his fight with Durin's Bane.

His true form is potentially far stronger. Gandalf's true form is the primordial spirit Olorin, a maiar who had a part in manipulating the Ainunlindale, the song that comprises all reality with the mortal word Ea being a small thought in the mind of Eru and Gandalf's true form fighting in the war that threatened the timeless voids beyond spacetime. Manipulation of this song allowed for conceptual manipulation, fate manipulation, and through them manipulation of all things. 

After Gandalf the Grey died, he was reborn as Gandalf the White. Gandalf's power was enhanced with his return and was given an immunity to all mortal weapons and the right to strip Saruman of all his magical power. 

The Black Knight was one of the most fearsome and definitely the most unyielding foe fought by King Arthur in his quest for the Holy Grail. The Black Knight was able to match equally King Arthur in a melee, Arthur being able to chop human limbs off with casual blows from his blade, requiring wall levels of power. Despite Arthur doing this to The Black Knight, cutting off all four of his limbs, the Black Knight showed no pain and continued to try to fight Arthur showing a level of immense pain resistance. Beyond that he was also skilled enough to accurately throw his blade in the visor of the Green Knight's helmet, showing an extreme level of skill.

It's quite possible he's even stronger. The Black Knight has claimed to be "invincible!" which is defined as meaning "too powerful to be defeated or overcome." The Monty Python universe includes very powerful characters including God who shows up in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. God is generally regarded as conceptually the creator of the universe, something which is said on the Monty Python wiki and shown somewhat in Monty Python and the Meaning of Life.

Benito Mussolini was the Fascist Dictator of Italy from 1925-1943. As might be expected, he lacks in any superhuman feats or abilities. However, by statements he was potentially far stronger. He was the leader of the Italian state, with him famously expressing his political philosophy as "Everything in the State, nothing outside the State, nothing against the State." He was a believer in the Hegelian philosophy of Actualism which holds gnostic conceptions of the state being a representation of God. If Mussolini's statements combined with his changing the state into a new kind of state, a totalitarian kind of state that encompasses all things, then this would be a form of universal conceptual manipulation.

The Blue Meanies are a fictional species that are the villains of the film "Yellow Submarine." The Chief Blue Meanie was physically capable of contending with the Beatles, who had many supernatural feats of power including withstanding explosions, car collisions, stopping trains, have "limitless undying love that shine around them like a million suns" and can casually exist in the sea of time, a transcendental plane outside the timeline where they can freely travel through time via pure speed.

The Blue Meanie's have the abilities to freeze things and turn them blue, including entire kingdoms, robbing them of color and music. Their attack also caused things to start breaking down in general and they had numerous powerful weapons.

Cowboy Curtis is a lasso-wielding cowboy friend of Pee-Wee Herman. At his peak he had a wish from the genire Jambi, these wishes having universal reality-warping power. 

Jambi the Genre is a genie living inside a jeweled box who can grant reality-warping wishes, though he can only grant one wish per show or become sick. When Pee-Wee wished to do everything in the episode all over again, Jambi used his magic to replay the entire episode in fast forward showing a metafictional control over the timeline via his magic. 

Robocop is the policeman Alex Murphy rebuilt as the crime-fighting robot Robocop. He has easily destroyed steel doors, tanked large explosions and more notably appeared in Mortal Kombat 11 to fight against the Kombatants of the Realms, who scale to such feats such as Shao Kahn passively merging two universal+ sized realms, Blaze being able to destroy all the realms at once, Shao Kahn withstanding blows from the Elder Gods that created the realms, the characters being able to shake the foundations of the universe, stated to be more powerful than the big bang, and threaten existence as a side-effect of their fighting. These Kombatants were also able to face and tag fighters such as Kratos (A Greek God that can reach the speeds of Hermes who outscales the light of Helios that lit up the infinite sized underworld in finite time and with his own slew of universal feats) and Superman mentioned below. 

Robocop also possesses numerous forms of natural weaponry such as a flamethrower, guns, and spikes for melee, a jetpack, and a lock-on system that allows him to hone in on targets. He also has built-in sensors including thermographic and telescopic, recording devices, and the ability to link up to computers. 

The Terminator is a Robotic Assassin turned Hero from the Future. He has numerous feats of explosions and withstanding or using futuristic weapons as well as also fought the Kombatants of the nine realms of the Mortal Kombat cosmology. The T-800 model has numerous forms of extrasensory perception and a metal exoskeleton that provides additional endurance and resistance to numerous abilities, voice mimicry, and incorporates an inhuman level of information, skill, and stealth beyond what any human could have.

Captain James T Kirk is the captain of the starship Enterprise. Physically speaking he's contended with numerous powerful aliens and monsters, fought his close ally Spock physically on numerous instances, and at the end of the Green Lantern/Star Trek crossover became a Green Lantern giving him access to the power of the Green Lantern Ring giving him universal scale reality-warping, resistance to many forms of hax and powers, the ability to fly through space up to infinitely fast and more. 

Darth Vader is the fallen chosen one of the Galaxy in Star Wars and one of the strongest of the Sith. In the Legends canonicity not only does Darth Vader scale above lesser Sith and Force users having planetary and even stellar feats even as his much weaker self Anakin Skywalker but he was relative to Darth Sidious (Sideous himself stating Vader could have killed him and Vader surviving Sideous' Force Lightning), Sideous stated to have being the strongest being to ever been born, almost a force entity who force storms can wipe out "all of space." Vader also scales far above lesser characters reacting to outside events while shifting to hyperspace, a level of speed thousands to billions of times the speed of light.

Vader also has a wide and broken arsenal of abilities including superhuman levels of skill greater than anyone in the galaxy's history, telepathy, telekinesis, precognition, mental manipulation, statistic amplification, forcefield creation, energy absorption and manipulation, matter manipulation, and resistance to all aforementioned abilities. 

Lo-Pan is a dark sorcerer and the antagonist of the film Big Trouble in Little China. Even when weakened from his curse he was superior to his minions Lightning, Thunder, and Rain who can control the weather. With the green flame granted by his dark gods he managed to melt away the ice of Hell that imprisoned Yama, the god who killed the primordial dragon of chaos and separated him into the mortal universe, Heaven, and Hell. He's naturally intangible and has access to many dark spells, spirit sensing and summoning, light projection, hypnosis, and control of demons.

Superman is the ultimate superhero and champion of Earth, as well as Truth, Justice, and the American Way. He's also pretty clearly THE heavy hitter of this group. Superman can easily break the constructs of Green Lantern Hal Jordan who could reduce an explosion that would wipe out two universes to subatomic and forged his own ring from his own will sending echos across the emotional electromagnetic spectrum. As of Infinite Frontier he's stated to be stronger than he has ever been, possibly including the time he one-shot the World Forger and his multiverse, the World Forger being a metaconceptually infinitely powerful entity from the Sixth Dimensional World. He is also relative to major speedforce users in speed, these speedforce users able to run at conceptually infinite speeds or higher. 

Superman has a large powerset including cosmic super senses, heat vision, freeze breath, energy absorption and manipulation, supergenius intellect, conceptual canceling, phasing/bfr, attack reflection, regeneration, mental battlefield summoning and manipulation, resistance to basically any ability one could think of, and much more. 

The Power Rangers are many teams of transforming superheroes gaining powers from an extradimensional power source called the Grid. They are all stronger than the weak villain Jinxer from Lightspeed Rescue who made a solar eclipse as well as scaling to numerous feats from the planetary to stellar range. The Overdrive Rangers were able to beat the villain Flurious amped on the Corona Aurora, five gems of immeasurable power which grants the power to control or destroy the universe. The strongest however would be Lord Drakkon, the evil Power Ranger who casually infinite universes remaking it into his own twisted reality. 

Lord Drakkon also has the strongest abilities of the rangers having reality warping, manipulation of space, time, dimensions, and causality, brainwashing, sealing, attack reflection, various forms of elemental manipulation and energy manipulation, existence erasure, and more. The other Rangers add a few extra abilities including clairvoyance, psychometry, telekinesis, heart sensing, ninja skills, a sonic scream, transmutation, and even more forms of elemental manipulation. 

Bill S Preston and Theodore Logan (Bill and Ted) are two excellent dudes who had the universal abstract concept of Death thrown at them which they survived along with beating Death at Battleship, Clue, Monopoly, Electronic Football, Twister, and Rock-Paper-Scissors. Their music is great enough to create instantly inter-planetary peace, restore the spirits of a people for whom smiling was literally taken out of the gene pool, and impress both God and Satan. Bill was also able to gain dark force powers from Darth Bogus while Ted was able to read the on-screen text giving time and place to the audience. 

Spock is a human/vulcan hybrid and Starfleet Officer who received a Blue Lantern Ring in the same crossover Kirk got a Green Lantern Ring giving him relative powers. He also has his own general vulcan type abilities including psychic abilities including telepathy, psychic sensory, psychic resistance, mind-melding, mental manipulation, and memory erasure. He also possesses pressure point combat and vulcan resistance to various forms of biological attack and enhanced endurance. 

The Rock is a Wrestler in the WWE and the champion of the people. He scales above Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt who threatened the universe in their battle as well as above Breezango and the Ascent who disrupted the spacetime continuum. He also scales above Curt Hawkins in speed who counted to infinity twice giving infinite speed. He is skilled in strikes, throws, holds, and aerials but his specialty is social influencing misleading his opponents and gripping the audience. He also has the ability to copy enemies techniques from seeing them having copied Austin's Stone Cold Stunner.

Doctor Octopus is a supervillain enemy of Spider-Man with a supergenius intelligence capable of creating advanced tech that could fry the entire world and was able to mentally beat Tony Stark. He also has his famous four metal arms strong enough to fight Spider-Man. Spider-Man beat the Herald Firelord who is considered a rival power to Thor and Silver Surfer, Thor having shaken the universe and created a storm that reached Earth from Asgard in another universe and Silver Surfer having broke vibranium walls and channeled the energy of the Big Crunch as well and traveled in time via flying fast enough as well as traveling infinite distances. 

Hulk Hogan also known as Mr. America is another champion wrestler of the WWE and should scale to similar feats of power, speed and skill as the Rock mentioned above. He also has the ability to induce explosions with the Atomic Leg Drop and can either shoot up the earth under his opponent to knock them in the air or summon a motorcycle to use against his opponent depending on the version for his video game version.

Name: The Anti-Chuck Norris Team

Origin: The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Powers and Abilities: Superhuman Stats, Superhuman Senses, Spacetime Manipulation, Dimension Manipulation, Elemental Manipulation, Matter-Energy Manipulation, Psychic Abilities, Spiritual Manipulation, Conceptual Manipulation, Metafictional Manipulation, Color Manipulation, Music/Sound Manipulation, Sealing, Forcefield Creation, Attack Reflection, Technopathy, Power Mimicry, Fate Manipulation, Causality Manipulation, Reality-Warping, Existence Erasure

Weaknesses: Nothing universal to all members

Attack Potency: Likely Universal for all members (Contributed to the defeat of Chuck Norris whose kicks are equal to the Big Bang and each member has at least universal scale), higher for Superman and Lord Drakkon (Have beyond universal scaling)

Durability: Likely Universal in general, higher for Superman and Lord Drakkon

Speed: At least Massively Hypersonic for all members (Came out of nowhere "lightning fast"), up to Infinite Speed (The fastest members have infinite speed feats, fought Chuck Norris who can tag himself in the back of the head via pure speed)

Range: Up to Infinite

Stamina: Up to Infinite

Skill: Varies from Mid D Tier to Mid A Tier

Intelligence: Varies from Human Level to Type 5 Supergenius 

Standard Equipment: Lots

While the team has already shown the capacity to take down Chuck Norris, who else would the team be able to bring down?

I think they could beat Goku with not that much difficulty. Superman and Lord Drakkon are both characters that could arguably win solo but even with that I think they could win. Goku even at the beginning of Super was able to destroy the Dragon Ball Macrocosm as a side effect of his fight with Beerus and has grown billions of times stronger or more, meaning most of the universal characters here would be fodder. That said everyone here would be relative in speed given infinite speed scaling and while Ultra Instinct lets Goku sense danger, fighting against hundreds of fast people would still be a problem.

Many people in this group have haxes that Goku hasn't seen before such as the Gandalfs manipulation of the Song of Creation, Kirk and Spock's Lantern Rings, Darth Vader's mind hax, the Blue Meanie's color and music drain, Bill and Ted's emotional manipulation, and Jambi the Genie's metafictional time manipulation. Against the literally hundreds of characters with every single Power Ranger, Goku wouldn't know who to prioritize and would probably be hit by some hax he'd never heard of before. Beyond that Goku's durability is massively lower when off-guard and so if anyone here sneaks up on him while he's fighting tons of others character, even if he can one-shot all of them, the stealthed character can possibly get a good hit in. Kirk, Spock, Darth Vader, Doctor Octopus, Lo-Pan and especially the Terminator have all shown stealth and the ability to snipe opponents from cover while Robocop has famously good aim with his targeting system that could allow him to hit Goku through all the chaos when he's not expecting it. There's also possibly the strategy that if Goku doesn't defeat him quickly, The Rock could pull a Goku on Goku and begin to copy his techniques from seeing them, which would give them another win con. 

All of this would be far easier with Superman and Lord Drakkon, both of whom have the stats and abilities to fight Goku head-on and distract him for their allies regardless. If you include them I think they can beat even stronger forms of Goku like Heroes Goku via a similar tactic as mentioned above on a higher scale. 

I think that the anti Chuck Norris Team could beat Tengan Toppa Gurren Lagann with mid difficulty. TTGL is a mecha that has infinitely evolving spiral power that manipulates reality. Lord Drakkon and Superman would once again by the heavy hitters, able to the mecha directly. Superman can use the Theta State to trap TTGL in a mental battlefield, though given the extreme wills of the pilots of TTGL this would be a temporary measure at best and Lord Drakkon can use his manipulation of spacetime and causality though this would be comparable to the Infinite Labyrinth power of the Anti-Spiral that Gurren Lagann broke out of. Superman does have one tactic that might work to finish off TTGL, that being his canceling out of their vibrations as he did to Darkseid, though it would force Superman and Lord Drakkon to get within range of the mecha avoiding its attacks, something that's potentially doable with the two of them. Similarly Drakkon might be able to seal away the mech as its never shown explicit sealing resistance though its probability manipulation, spacetime manipulation, and reactive evolution means it's hard to gauge if that would work. Superman should have resistance to these abilities however as he resisted Blackstarr who controls every facet of the universe and Drakkon has causality manipulation to resist it. 

The real trick and the plan B, Jambi the Genie can use his metafictional wish power to wish the members of the Anti-Chuck Norris Team within TTGL and while the spiral power does enhance the crew of the mech, breaking their concentration would give Drakon and Superman opportunity to strike. 

I think that the Anti-Chuck Norris Team would be able to defeat Infinity Gauntlet Thanos with high difficulty. I don't believe they could win a direct confrontation but similar to Marvel's Avengers, which this team has higher average power and higher numbers than, I think that Thanos in-character would allow himself to lose trying to fighting them all one by one. 

These forces are definitely strong enough on average that they would be able to contend with Thanos holding back similar to how Thor, Surfer, and Warlock were able to, but far more numberous. In addition, Thanos with the gauntlet wanted to lose subconsciously because he realized he didn't deserve to win against his opponents. While there are several villains on this team (The Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Darth Vader, Lo-Pan, Lord Drakkon, and Doctor Octopus), this team has some of the most morally good characters in their series of even fiction including Gandalf the guide of Middle-Earth and servant of Illuvatar, Robocop the Heroic Police Paragon, Captain Kirk and Spock the explorers and saviors of the galaxy, The Power Rangers who are protectors of the universe, many of whom are moral paragons in their own right, the two excellent dudes Bill and Ted, the people's champion The Rock, and of course the embodiment of hope and heroism Superman. It would be very similar to Thanos first loss with the gauntlet but even moreso.

There's also a slight chance Superman might be able to trick Thanos into leaving his universe where the gauntlet would be powerless and the team can just overwhelm Thanos with superior numbers, but that's definitely the outside case, this first scenario seems much more likely.

I mean, it's crazy and probably wrong and would be extreme difficulty but maybe possibly they could in some universe score a win on their better Mr. Rogers so long as his sweater isn't bloodstained. He did  win the ultimate showdown and was stated to be the better of everyone else, but that was with his bloodstained sweater. 

I don't know, crazy thought.

On a separate note, Happy First of April, and please don't take anything in this blog seriously.