When we are first
introduced to Usagi Tsukino, she is made out to be the butt of all the jokes,
that nobody thinks anything great will ever come off. Clumsy, Lazy, Gluttonous,
Cowardly, Bad Academically, the list of her negative traits goes on and on. And
yet even in the first chapter we see hints of what she will become such as the
fact that when first transformed into a superhero and told to fight a monster,
her first thought is for her dear friend threatened by the monster. That she
overcomes her cowardice by remembering those dear to her is a common trope for
her.
While her friends are the
reincarnations of Soldiers, Usagi is not, she is the reincarnation of a
princess, and as such she is far less used to warfare then the others. This is
perhaps best shown in the end of the first season of the anime, with the doomed,
desperate assault of the Sailor Senshi against Beryl’s palace to prevent the
awakening of Metalia. As the Sailor Senshi die, Usagi is seen clearly freaking
out, crying and trying to surrender and finally standing still in horror as the
others give their lives for her, killing Beryl’s monstrosities in heroic
sacrifices. This was even more shocking at the time, then it would be now. The
standard conception of the Magical Girl show before was the Cute Witches of the
80s and earliers, cute girls with magical powers who solved everyday problems
and got into hijinx with cutesy magic. Magical Warriors certainly existed by
this point, they had existed since the 70s with Cutey Honey, but those were
still light and fairly comical. Never before was it even implied that if the
girl tried her best and still acted nobly….that things would not turn out
right.
For most young girls
seeing this, the sudden weight hit harder than can be easily explained. This is
especially true, if you like me, identified with Usagi. With her ever-present
incompetencies and insecurities, her lack of competence and confidence as a
soldier, the kind of person who saw her friends and loved ones as amazing
beautiful, strong, brave, warriors against the darkness that scared you, Usagi
is a character I and people like me understand all too well. And this was so
hard because you know you’d be exactly like Usagi, you knew what it was like to
be the one who can’t do anything as your loved ones needed you. And yet, after
the death of Mamoru her love, and his last words, when Beryl finally merges
with Metalia and threatens the whole universe, Sailor Moon walked towards
Beryl. And I…I knew I would too. Usagi knew she had to stand to protect her
family, her friends, her home, all that she loved. And I felt that I would too
in that same situation.
In the First Movie, we
see Usagi from the Senshi’s perspective and it’s my favorite moment in fiction
as the senshi first remember the terrible lives they lived before they met Usagi,
where everyone judged them for their powers instead of who they were and then
again their interactions with Usagi as she repeatedly cared about them not for
what they could do, but for who they were. They cry and beg Fiore not to take
Usagi from them saying that without her they would all be alone. And in the
emotional climax of the movie Usagi as she is exerting all her energy into saving
the world says again:
“I won’t leave anyone
alone!”
This to me is the
emotional crux of who Usagi is as a person, she is the one who will never leave
anyone alone. Because Usagi does not see who others see us as, she does not see
as we pretend we are, she sees past the false smiles and see when we hurt but
don’t want anyone else to know. She sees who we are….and she still loves us.
There’s this great moment
in the Fifth Season when she doesn’t know where Mamoru is, and she cries out that
she needs him, that she’s not strong. This is despite saving the universe many
times before, this is despite all the times she has stood alone against horrors
and tragedies. I just wanted to tell her, to yell that she was so much greater
then she thought she was, that everyone loved her because of all she did for
them without even realizing it and as I thought that I paused the video and
just sat back as I realized this is what other people tried to tell me…
Watching Sailor Moon was
like seeing myself from someone’s else eyes, made me first feel like I might
have some worth
And this leads to the
ending of the SM Manga, where I see the final development of Usagi, in parallel
with my own discovery through her. The Sailor Moon manga has Usagi finding the
source of all evils, Chaos, the darkness from before existence. Her future self
appears before her and tells her to destroy the origin of all stars where Chaos
was in. This will destroy Chaos but will also lead to the universe eventually
ending. She tells her to do this because in the future Chaos returns
unstoppable and she is forced to fight Chaos forever, with everything she knows
destroyed beyond repair, an endless torment of fighting for all eternity.
Sailor Moon refuses.
Usagi to me is the
ultimate subversion of the traditional hero archetype, not because she is some
gritty selfish antihero, but because she defines a purpose of existence
opposite that of the traditional hero. The Traditional Hero sees an external cosmos
at odds with their internal psyche and changes the cosmos to fit in. Look at
every story ever and you will find some variation of that. The world doesn’t
fit me so I will change the world. It’s what we always do, try to shape the
world to ourselves.
And yet Usagi operates on
the opposite paradigm, she changed her psyche to her cosmos. She does not force
others to become something new, she accepts all things for who they are, her
boundless acceptance and love for the cosmos is why she is bestowed with the
Lambda Power, the power of all the Cosmos working together, because she accepts
all that is, and so her psyche unites with it. Her acceptance of even Chaos, is
what allows her to surpass even Chaos.
Usagi’s willingness to
fight forever, not because there is a chance to change the future, but purely
there will be existence and she loves existence, is a statement of courage and
love unbounded and almost unfathomable, to willingly face an eternity of her
worst fear…
Usagi is said to be the
universe’s immortal and most beautiful star, reflecting the concept that the
moon is the one light that can stand alone in the infinite night sky. I hope to
be like her, and yet I know internally that I am…and that truly is why I love
her as a character so much.
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